Recently, I sought advice from my psychologist, Hei, on maintaining a healthy relationship. His response wasn’t about adjusting to accommodate or changing for the other person, but about understanding my own needs.
For a healthy relationship, you must first be healthy. By responding to your own needs, loving yourself, and finding fulfillment, you gain the ability and compassion to love your partner.
Hei tasked me with homework to thoughtfully consider a few questions :
👁️🗨️ My future aspirations :
In the next 5 years, what do I envision myself doing? Will I be in Canada or back in Hong Kong? Are children part of the plan? If in Canada, how will I care for my mom in Hong Kong?
👁️🗨️ Harmonizing with my partner :
Based on my understanding of my partner, what are their aspirations? Do our lives intersect in meaningful ways? Can we support and assist each other?
👁️🗨️ Appreciating him / her
When the passion transitions to routine, do you remember the determination from the start? Do you recall what you appreciate about them? Can you list his / her efforts and gestures that made you smile? Do you envision a future with them, embracing their qualities and traits?
At the outset, couples often embark on their journey with unwavering confidence, believing they can weather any storm side by side. Yet, as time progresses, the veil of idealism lifts, revealing vulnerabilities and past wounds. When contemplating the path forward, introspection on the above questions may illuminate the way.